I have had a number of developments in my life in the last week, that I wanted to share with you guys.
Most notably has been my change from Swingshift to Dayshift at the home for abused kids I work in. This means waking up each morning at at time I used to consider going to sleep! The transition has been (thankfully) rather painless. The dayshift means that I have greater chances to be social with my friends and family. It also means that I can begin to pursue my Master's Degree in Social Work. Since I don't know really what questions I need to be asking about that, I'm going to my aunt, and one of the SWs at work, to get some recommendations. I've also gotten a raise in my pay(independent of the shift change).
Other notable changes are that I'll be moving in with my best friend (the lesbian one that has been my greatest support in all the shite I've had to go through) around Nov 1. This move means that I'll pay significantly less on rent (leaving me much more money to spend on other aspects of my life, such as replacing the very beat-up 1987 car I currently drive).
Since my new roommate is also aware of my crossdressing, and has been supportive of it (jealous that she's never been able to participate, actually), I will be able to explore this aspect of my life a bit more than I ever was before. One complication to all this, is the very conflicting, and yet very real, feelings that she and I have for each other. She may be lesbian, but she has said that a very feminine man is to her liking as well. Since emotional intimacy seems to be the issue that has kept me from allowing any physical relationships in the past, this is the hurdle I can easily jump. The problem is that we are both in extremely vulnerable places emotionally. We have both broached the topic of our mutual interest in each other, but left it as "a bad idea," one that we shouldn't pursue. I'm finding my will to resist this "bad idea" eroding, however. And that does make me question the wisdom of moving into the same apartment as her. I have committed to doing it, though. And it makes so much sense for other aspects of my life.
If my prospective therapist and I can ever finish our game of phone tag, I'll be able to start counseling, also. In all the things that have happened in the last 3 weeks, dealing with my abuse issues has been bumped down the list of priorities. I'd like to bring it back towards the top. Lord knows that I've got plenty of other work to do (especially considering that last paragraph I wrote).
So I might have left a few things out, but I do feel like I am recreating myself. I have literally begun a whole new life. New hours, new job, new housing, potential new car, new relationships, new challenges. It's scary, but liberating at the same time.
I don't think I would have been able to handle all this change, unless things had worked out the way they have. I'm ready for it, like I never was before.
And since I need to take care of some of these changes, I need to go.
I wish you guys all the best. You've been in my prayers.
We're in this together.
We're in this together. - Nine Inch Nails