Memories of childhood

we played hide and seek
He was the seeker.
I was the kid who
closed his eyes and
hid the world from himself.

He seeked me out.
in the backyard
behind the wall
he pinned me
I was scared.

His mouth over mine,
his slobbering tongue
his hands exploring me
like a hungry dog over meat

and I froze,
like the countless times before
disassociating from my self
to keep me sane

Where was God?
Why was this happening to me.
What If someone sees this ?
Will I bring shame to my family ?

Can I cry?
If I cry,
people will ask me why.
So, I should not cry.

I will not cry,
not right now.
I will cry
when I am alone.