I am new to the group, and glad to be here. I wanted to share something I wrote awhile back, and I posted it elsewhere but got no response. Maybe I won't here either, but what the heck!

I am doing better these days, but have been through so much crap surviving without solid memories, and living a life full of loss and depression. And failed relationships! HA.

I think I am finally learning what love feels like. It is a lot better than obsession and hurt.

I found out a bunch of core belief stuff...stuff like believing I was ugly, I was bad, I was afraid bad things were always going to happen and I couldn't stop them...Stuff like that there. But I am writing again and I wanted to share. Hope it strikes a cord in someone.


The Price I Pay

I love you with my hatred
drown in my blood
rivers uncharted

you called me son

of a bitch

of a bitch

in my innocence
I swam to you
this river of blood

snipping my fingers
from your side
you smiled
that fell smile

amid laughter
I sank
into this river

this river of blood
this cold cold
river of blood

choices you left me to make
on my own

I swam for my life
my heart a dragging weight
my mind the curse

twisted as you taught me

spitting up the stench
of your lies

I learned to chart this river
this living river
living river of my blood

copyright KA 1998