Hiya Everyone,

Been reading some of the posts and decided to add my own thoughts... the funny thing is that this is something I've been struggling with myself for the past couple of weeks... although I've only been aware of exactly what's been going on for me over the last few days.

I've grown up in a christian home, went to church, became a christian at 6 years old..
Then was abused from 9 to 14 by an older cousin.

My problem is this:
If God really does care about me, why didn't he do anything ?
Mentally I can understand that we have free will (and that free will is needed for true love to exist) but that doesn't satify my heart or dull my feeling of betrayal by God.

So what do I do...

Not believe in God -
I can't do that 'cos nothing else makes sense of why this world's here without God. The "Big Bang" doesn't cut it. I'd need more faith to believe in that then God.

Believe God really isn't Good -
But then why would he sacrifice Jesus / himself for us ?
And why would he talk to me so specifically about what to do next in my path of healing ?
And why am I so healed now, only 8 years after my abuse stopped ?

Believe God isn't all powerful -
But if he can create the world, he can stop one boy from abusing another.

None of these logical reasons can reach a conclusion.
I'm just left with the facts:
- God talked to me about what I should do to be healed from my abuse, I did them and now I'm so far from where I was.
- God answered prayers, he gave me the friends and support I needed.

So I just can't deny him !
But does the fact that God has helped me so much in my healing cancel out the fact that his conscious negligance let my abuse occur in the first place ?? I will never be completely healed from that... and no amount of being "thankful" to God... and that he "saved my soul".. will wash it away..

But the other day a friend of mine told me that she was abused too !! I just cried and was heartbroken and somehow I said to her something that answered my doubts to!
Jesus came not just to save us from our sins... but to heal us from the sins of others... and the healing process isn't something that can be completed on this earth where evil still reigns.
In revelation God promised that those who love Jesus will be given new bodies and live in a city on a new earth where God lives with us...
That is the only hope that makes it alright.
One day I'll have a new body that doesn't remember abuse, that doesn't react when I don't want it to, one where my emotions are balanced and controllable...
You see I believed that God let me be abused and that the scars that I have from that abuse will never be erased...
And they won't be erased in this life... (although I have had a lot of healing...)
But they will be erased in the afterlife when I get a new body... I will be completely healed... to the point when it was as if I was never damaged !
I was putting God in a box !
Saying that he couldn't and wouldn't heal my abuse completely.... basically saying that my abuse had more power than God did !

I know God really does care !!
And I know that there will come a day when I will be complete and whole .... not just "healed"... but completely renewed...
Jesus didn't just come to save us from our sins, but to make the way for God to renew and restart...

That's the only hope I have that satisfies me intellectually and emotionally... God might have let my abuse happen for the sake of free will .... but he knew that the damage done he could undo... that it was just temporary... that Matt wasn't distroyed or emotionally crippled forever...
That one day I would live eternally with God... and I would have a new body.. and after 1000000000000000000000000 years with God and his love, my 5 years of abuse would fade into insignificance... and die.. along with all the other evil that shouldn't even exist...

Well that's my two bits worth...
What do you guys recon ??
Matt \:\)