Wert, I just responded to your reply to abcd in the other section. I too sought out my abuser on many occasions but I still consider what happened to me abuse. He had taken advantage of my innocence. I was young and unknowing. A young boy should not be taught such adult things at that young of an age. I don't know how much older your brother is than you but he should not have taken advantage of you that way. I too felt responsible for what happened to me for many years. Not until I began my recovery did I realize that I was not responsible at all. I WAS ABUSED. I also questioned my sexuality for years. I think all men go through some of that but it can be much worse for survivors especially if they were abused by another male. I was raised in a strict religious home so having those thoughts seemed so wrong. I felt dirty and ashamed. I learned through counseling that these are very normal feelings. I will be praying for your healing. If you would like to e-mail me directly here's the address: somdcatman@aol.com Neil