I am so glad that I found this website. At least I know now that I am not the only one out there. I feel in my case that my story is a little different than most stories.
I was involved in a sexual experience with my older brother. I was never forced to do anything. I did it out of my own free will. Mind you I was about 6 to 7 years old. I still remember the sights, sounds, smells, and feelings. These things have haunted me eversince that time. It happend more than once and sometimes I would initiate it. I feel guilty and ashamed. In some sense I feel like I am a homosexual. No offense but I was brought up in a good Christian home where I was taught that this was against the laws of God. I still believe those values but sometimes it gets so hard. My brother and I are friends and as far as I can tell I have no hatred for him. I have wired thoughts that I am trying to control and even my dreams are wild but I can't control those. I am getting the help I need (thank goodness) but I also would like to hear from any of you who might have been or are in the same situation. I just want a friend who really understands. I have friends who know everything and are trying to understand but they just can't and they admit to that. I just want a friend.