I was born in Flint Michigan in my Grandparent's house. I was three months old and weighed 3 pounds seven ounces. I could not breath, so the doctor two houses down who was there by the time I was born, put ice on me to get me to breathe.
So here I am, three months in an icubator and now I weigh five pounds.
I do not remember being touched lovingly as a child, 0-6 memories are foggy.
At 5 I went on a trip with my mother's parents. They molested her at age 8 and 12 as far as my mother remembers. Apparently I am her therapist.(she told me this 6 or 7 yrs. ago) In therapy 5 is the time when the abuse began, memories are missing. I do not remember a single hotel on the trip.
The fat thing. --- I was called chubby all my life, my brothers were skinny. They would be mean and call me fat. At 20 I would starve myself and get down to 130.
I have a big frame, I was small.
Went home after 9 months for Christmas and my Mother fed me went up to 180. Body image has always been a problem.
At 9 I lose my Great Grandmother, I was her favorite no doubt there.
At 10 I wanted to help my cousin with homework. He always had a hard time at school. Always in troble. When I got to his house he hold his Mom he had to change.
We went into the bedroom, he locked the door and dropped the key behind his bookcase.
He dropped his pants and told me to pull mine down and stick my penis up him.
Then he did me. It happened a couple of times. The next week he invited himself thinking I wanted to continue without asking me. He had his parents ok it with mine. My parents did not ok it with me. Shit I did not know what to do I am only 10. So I brought my 9 yr old brother knowing he might tell. After that it stopped with my cousin Jim.
At 11 my grandfather dies, the one I loved, and a cousin makes me and my younger brother pee on ourselves. Just degrading. Then he exposes his genitals to us. Just a sick person. Next day after school he is pointing at me and laughing with a friend.
At 12 my father dies heart attacks.
From 12 to 14 I am abused by a father figure (Big Brothers Big Sisters Program) Also the son in law of my Dad's friend. He took me to Traverse City to motels, and would play with me all night long.
At 22 I am almost raped, I get away. Therapy happens next on and off till now.
at 32 a Man my dad's age took advantage of me being in the same men's support groug and tried something. I turned him into the president of the group. (not enough happened for futher action) Like I would have let him. The fact remains he hurt bad because he was a friend, so I thought. We had a mediator and he was nolonger allowed on weekends or be with me be ourselves. Not a problem, now we are both a part of a new group which has weekends, Now I can handle it, Still he will never be with me by myself.
I had to find out who I was sexually.
I was married at 21 divorced at 32, married at 35. Things are getting better.
All for now. I had to get this out.
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni*** The Round Table
, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat