for the first time in my life - i am not feeling so wrong - about myself about my talent - about my ability -

truly -

i know i can 'forget myself' very easily -
and think only in terms of the voices of the past -
that i do not deserve anything - just servitude
and the mental beatings for the scapegoat -

i am far away from them now -

and through an organic transition - and the help of my t(s) i am seeing that with my abilities i
CAN do - i CAN survive - and put this into

something i can be proud of - who gives a fuck
what 'they' think -

sorry for the rant - but really wanted to vent -

i don't know if you can relate - i had a violent dad and an unstable and violent mother - and
the sa of a neighbor and a frightening grandmother - they saved all their energy for their image and non for growing their son -

i was - as tallsteve put it - 'the handmaiden'

- i am glad they either dead or gone -

" not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous