Thanks, and no to what you asked, "Am I the only one in an epic battle of internal conflict and strife?"
Things have been so good the last few weeks, so unbelievably good I thought just unlocking my past set me free to some extent. Today was the first day I started thinking about the quantity of a drug I need to opt out of this madness.
As much as I want a new life with a caring, honest relationship with another man, or woman if that happens, an ability to keep rage away from rearing its ugly self and more control over my choice of words when I get frustrated, I regress to the acting out of a 6 year old. And porn and poppers are perfect together with my other self lately.
Actually, the poppers I was on my way to get today, but I feel good in talking myself out of that. Sexually, I'm drawn. While I do want the relationship, I also want no male organs. Not to TG in anyway, I'm not at all effeminate, but to remove my perverted desires.
Hey, how ya doin? Good, thanks for asking.
Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine.
Why are you so mad? Iím not mad.
You okay? YEAH, leave me alone, okay?
Talk about conflicted!!