I think it was you that started a post on the present. Seemed you were on to something, this dimension of time so oblivious to that which came before and that to come. Like you, I am stuck in both cusps of time questioning my every move.
Then another post discussed the present being all we have and how it should be enjoyed fully for what it is.
It would seem we've come so accustomed to questioning ourselves, conditioned to think we are at fault, that what we do is bad and we wind up questioning the motives of our desires; if we like it it must be wrong.
Now and again, I get weird thoughts that once in awhile tend to make sense. "It is difficult to put behind us a past that continuously, unconsciously confronts, conflicts and corrupts everything we do in the present.
"The past has never left me. The past is always present pulling me apart."
Maybe it's not so bad to be gay. Maybe the grass IS greener not being gay. Maybe it's better just going both ways. Just enjoy the moment and follow your heart.
Definitely easier to write about it. I'm with you in being conflicted however...
PS: I thought what you wrote in your letter the other day was very fine, it's a wonder you can function at all. Keep progressing, you're an inspiration. Thanks!! I'm learning so much from you and all others here at MS.