I've got a question i'm wrestling with.....i'm hoping somebody out there can help me....I'm not sure if i'm gay or straight.....i've had quite a few offers to sleep with guys and girls, but sex so disturbs me, i have chosen not to sleep with either....every psychiatrist/psychologist i've seen tells me abuse took place, and most of the time i agree with them ......but i have so many lingering doubts.....somethings i know to be fact....one of those things led me to believe i was gay, but know with the abuse probability, i'm unsure...LET me explain.....when i was 5 years old, i had this fantasy that i was hercules and i had slaves that i would force to perform oral sex on me....i was 5 in 1963......i always just attributed this as the way i knew i was gay, why else would i have had such explicit fantasies at 5.....but, how many 5-year-olds knew about oral sex in 1963??????.....My question to you gay guys, did any of you have similar experiences????? i've tried to research this, but have been unable to find any info on this subject.....It is just so damn hard to believe my uncle sexually abused me.....for years, i just figured i was gay and was unable to deal with it and chose celibacy.....but i have no problems with gay people, no religous beliefs, etc.....that would make being gay impossible....although i was very involved in athletics throughout high school and college....i know there is a lot of homophobia inherent in those activities......i've been very flattered when guys come on to me, but am unable to be with them.....although i do masturbate thinking about the possibilities........as you can see, i'm one very messed up individual.....i would consider abuse throughout the years, but since my very macho straight uncle was the only man i was close to, and that was from the time i was born until 15 or so, i had to discount the possiblity....i finally admitted to a psychiatrist a few months ago after i attempted suicide again....i am living in constant torment.....is there anybody out there that has any experience similar to mine....i would love to find out that i'm just gay and was not sexually abused....i guess i need to tell you this part too.....the biggest reason i have not taken any guys up on their offers is that i feel like i'd freak out during/after sex.....i'm so afraid i'd go beserk and kill the guy or myself.....you see, i find sex very disgusting.........well, if there are any arm-chair therapists out there.....PLEASE HELP..........michael