hi i'm new...i'm not sure if i am gay. most of the sex i've had has been with men but most of it was abusive. i am 21.i am mostly sexually attracted to other men but i also feel like i hate them which sounds stupid since i am one but i am not like most. i feel like i am "other" but i dont know if this is becuz of what was done to me or not. i kind of wish i didnt have to be anything, asexual or neuter like a child. im having a hard time separating sex and being used and assaulted.That if i want to have sex w/ a man i must want him to hurt me? because that is all they have ever done. Does this make sense?