I don't think those questions can really be resolved except when we actually are faced with the decision of pursuing a relationship with a specific person.

I think it would be disastrous to connect with someone if the result would be the destruction or utter transformation of our persona as an individual. That would be as much as to agree that only the other person's needs and priorities matter.

But on the other hand I think we are all changed when we enter into a close bond with someone else. After all, if it's a real relationship then we are concerned not just for our own happiness and fulfillment, but also for that of our partner. We realize that we cannot be happy individually unless we are happy together.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)