I was wondering, for those of you whose first sexual experience was abuse, how you know that you are gay as opposed to being conditioned by the abuse? How do you know that you not acting out sexually? I am predominately heterosexual, but find myself attracted to some men, but the focus is alway on the genitals, is abuse-specific and I am nearly always, humiliated and hurt by the things that I allow other men to do to me.
I was ready to come out of the closet as gay, just before I realized I had untreated abuse issues to deal with. On some level I wanted to be gay, so that I wouldn't have to face the reality of what had actually happened to me. And this is why I wonder how you know for sure if you are gay or not?
I will take the rest of my gender identity issues to another forum, but would appreciate any help I can get to understand myself better. Thanks!