when i lie down - most times -

fear comes into me -

i keep a light on - though i mostly cannot sleep

so - i turn the light off - eventually get sleep -


i know now -

like as i posted yesterday -

the realization that certain things provide a clinging - to - quality -

traditions perhaps -

that keep one stablized but for the familiarity of them if

above all non productiveness -

i layed down this morning trying to get some sleep

- and yet i thought - maybe if i cling purposefully -

it opened up how really scared i am -
and yet in clinging now i can now my fears and how to assuage them -

it is working -

and i think we are allowed our transional objects -

i have moose - and i have icebat too - \:\)

and also - i know now how to mitigate an impulse to cling to others - it is ok to do so -

but in knowing that i am clinging - i can give it a
consciousness -

recognition is a good thing - and it gives more to the need - and also calms me down -


"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous