hi Guys,

i feel pretty good in terms of having a footing
in self knowledge -

i realize the abuse was so early for me -
that my mind went inward -

feeling unloved is a universal feeling perhaps -

and it is how we deal with it -

i realize - i chose a way - a few ways -

i also realized after a while it was making me sick - and i was sick -

i also realize - that i put pressure on the people closest to me - the friends i really cherished -
they continued giving to me -

but i think in a lot of things we are not wholely aware of -
when we are in it - it is not until we are out of it, that we realize maybe what we were doing -

anyway - my neediness now known -

i am looking to the future of being open to living my life - as i want to live it -
to work and yeah
love -

i don't konw if i am ready for that -i just got here so to speak -being open to love is hard

we have to accept so many things -
that may be undefined -

painful -

or random -
scary -

and then the loss of it - once we do accept it -

it can be too much -

but maybe some day i will risk that \:\)
to have it - !



"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous