Thanks to all who answered my first post. I read with interest and understand everything you were saying. I am with you all.
But I didn't make myself clear, I guess. My SA is in therapy and has been for 3 years now. But it has not gone well. At first I blamed it strictly on the therapists. The first, though advertising an expertise and supposedly himself being a survivor, only over-medicated and didn't ever seem to focus on any of the problems. The second doesn't seem to have a clear expertise. But now, I also notice, and wonder, if my SA is really trying to get help. I am sensing a desire in him to remain a victim. Oh, he verbalizes that he will do anything in the world to get better, but when something new is offered, he rejects or ignores it. There seem to be a lot of secondary gains in his depressions, possibly that even he isn't noticing, but frustrating none the less.
As the victim, he doesn't have to take reponsibility, as the victim, he seems to blame the abuse for every thing that happens in the today world. He can't make a decision, because of the depression and insists others make it for him. Yet, if you make the wrong decision (that obviously he had already decided what he really wanted to do) then you aren't the loving support he expected. And sometimes, it just really gets to me. And all the other support around him. It's like nothing should be going on in their lives except his pain. And God forbid, something negative should happen to a support person in a day, because it can't possibly be as bad as what he went through.
It may be a symptom, I don't know. But sometimes, it sure feels like he has now found a place where he doesn't think he has to face his problems, he can just spend 24/7 feeling and being a victim, and feels the world now owes it to him to forgive everything he does or doesn't do, because he was abused. And this bothers me greatly, because this is a wonderful man who deserves happiness. But, we who are supporting him are also wonderful people who deserve that same happiness.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
"Love yourself, like you want everyone to love you." - no author, just popped into my head tonight, plagarize the Golden Rule.