My husband had sex with his sister twice when she was 17 and he was 13. 23 years later, he came forward about it. Knowing some of the surrounding details and circumstances, and given the age and maturity difference, I feel that my husband was victimized by her. I feel that at that time she used this to control not only what he did, but what he feels. She still does the same thing today. She is involved in our lives and even before I learned about this her involvement has not been pleasant. So my question is, how do I deal with seeing her or talking to her again after what I know. She doesn't know that he came forward about this, and if she did it wouldn't be good. She likes to have the world revolve around her and she would jump at the chance to play victim...after all he did come into her room. This would only reinforce the feelings of shame and guilt my husband has been (not) dealing with for the past 23 years. If she didn't play victim, she would just deny that it ever happened. I, of course, would like to draw boundaries and eliminate as much as possible her involvement in our lives. I am sure my husband does not feel the same way, as he is still inconviencing our family to make her happy so that she doesn't have a tantrum (btw, she's 41). I've seen her have tantrums for not getting her way and its not pleasant. Just an husband's b-day. I was pregnant and being put out on bedrest. For my husband's b-day I had invited my parents and his dad & gf for dinner. Sister found out and went on a tyrade. Even called my husband screaming at him about being left out. He was upset and angry with me for not inviting her. This was supposed to be a nice, quiet, surprise, sit down dinner for 6. (What a surprise it was when it turned into a 3 ring circus). My husband insisted that I call and invite her so I did. Now I had to get more food for 3 more guests. Sit-down wasn't an option anymore, as I only had service and seating for 8. So then I had to waddle (literally) back to the store for paper plates, etc. all the while having contractions because I was supposed to be relaxing due to preterm labor (she knew about that too). My point is that she's difficult enough to deal with on a good day, she's continuing to manipulate my husband, and now that I know about this, its not going to be any easier to deal with her. Any advice???