Hi all,

I think he's acting out, but obviously I cannot know for sure. We had a blow out more than a week ago...kind of blown way out of proportion, especially his perception of the event. It seems that he is using this fight and issue as justification for whatever he may (or may not) be doing. This pattern of behavior is very familiar. This is how it felt when he was secretly into porn. He is very angry towards me (and I am pretty pissed at him too), but it *feels* like he is holding onto this anger maybe to justify whatever he may be doing. Last night he came home from work and claimed to need to get something at the store later. I said I'ld take care of it tomorrow since he just got home...he said no its ok..I'll go...blah blah blah. Anywayway, he said well if you really want to go then go. OK fine. So later that evening, our daughter was missing some sports equipment that we couldn't find. He got pretty mad that it couldn't be located and informed me that he must go out and get it. It seemed like he was really trying to get out of the house. The store is about 10-15 minutes from our house...and hour and a half later he came home. Now, I understand that I could be creating things in my mind, but I feel soooo suscpiscious of him. The level of outward anger that he is displaying toward me is something new. I asked him over the weekend if he is having an affair, considering an affair or something like that...which he denied. I asked because the signs of this can sometimes be suddenly joining a gym (he's recently lost 18 lbs), change in lifestyle, concern over dress, etc. which he has been fitting this mold. My gut tells me what is going on, but I have no proof. What can I do? I don't have the money to hire a private investigator.

Personally, I think that he IS acting out and feels mad at himself and so instead of being mad at himself, places the blame on me and gets mad at me (for not fullfilling his needs) to justify the behavior of acting out. Does this sound like reality for anyone or am I out of my mind. I'ld like to bring it up in therapy but there is no way he would own up to it even if it were true. And unfortunately, I don't think I can believe him denying it (even if nothing IS going on.

HELP!!! Thanks for any insight.