Aminuts: major hugs to you. I really feel for you. The advice that has been given her is sound - make sure you are setting boundaries and not letting him treat you like an emotional punching bag. Also therapy of your own is a good idea too. If finances are a problem for therapy there are often places where it can be provided on a sliding fee scale, such as at a university where PhD psych. students are in pre-certification clinical practice.

Dont let the fact that you have kids (unless there are financial reasons) prevent you from even a trial separation if that is what you want. As mentioned, I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father (abuse victim) and he treated ALL of us like shit. He still does from time to time. I think seeing my mother stand up for herself and say "ENOUGH!" would likely have taught both me and my brother a lesson on how to stand for ourselves in relationships. My brother and I are now both in our mid 30's now and still struggling to find mr and ms. right - we just tend to put up with crap from our partners and stay in relationship MUCH too long, and put up with waaay too much.

Kids are very sensitive to tensions between parents, and they will DEFINITELY soon if they haven't already, pick up on the fact that your H is having major problems. For me, I just felt that my father really didnt like me very much. I felt that he loved me out of paternal obligation, but that he really didnt like me very much or feel that I was anything important to him. I still feel that way today. So dont feel that leaving/separating would necessarily be 100% bad for the kids if this is what you really feel you must do. It may be a powerful lesson on how to stand up for themselves.