I may just be projecting my own paranoid feelings onto your situation, but since I already have a reputation for speaking my mind...hear goes.

Your statement...

A 40 year old man should not dive in at an 18 year old's speed. (Part of me wonders if there is other motivation involved......but I will try to not get patanoid.) But since he is generally an unmotivated person all around, this is a good thing...right? Maybe he needs space too. I have worked out for years on my own and I love the time to myseld in a healthy environment. Maybe he can get somnething more out of it than the obvious.
just triggered my suspicious side. Considering everything that you have said about your husband's level of DENIAL about the impact of the SA and his obsession with PORNOGRAPHY I would be paranoid if I were you. But probably NOT the way you are thinking !!

One of the most destructive aspects of SA on males seems to me to be the resulting confused sexuality. ACTING OUT is rampant. ADDICTION to sex is almost universal. SAME SEX attractions, although unwanted, are commonplace. Being around alot of naked men is not the "safest place" for an male SA survivor to be.

As I reread your post (several times) it is apparent to me that you seem to think all of this to TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. Needs his space to do what?? Work on his recovery??? Maybe he can get somnething more out of it than the obvious ??? Time to himself in an UNhealthy environment..

Maybe the real survivors like Eddie & Lloydy will tell you I'm full of crap!! In the long run you have to trust your own feelings and your own husband.

Hope the GYM is a good thing,