Dear AMiNUTS --
If I had not made it a basic requirement of saving our marriage my SA survivor husband would have quit going to couseling long, long ago. I will occasionally let him skip a week, but even the thought of Getteddie going 2 weeks without seeing his therapist makes me uneasy.
Usually he is in very good shape after his weekly visits. I describe the effect as 'high thinking mode.' He exhibits a thoughtful, rational attitude that is pleasant to be around. The amount of time his HT mood lasts varys greatly, but rarely move than a few days. I'm glad for the HT moods because they give me hope of what could be, but when the 'wounded & abusive (verbal & emotional)' mode strikes I want to scream "ENOUGH ALREADY."
I've told him at least a hundred times that he is in NO WAY responsible for anything done to survive those horrible times. He should be VERY proud of his courage just to keep living.
The trait that has been lacking or diminished the most in the last 2 years is EMPATHY. His attitude is SOOOOO self-absorbed much of the time. I understand that his recovery has uncovered the neglected 11 YO boy victim (inner child) buried for over 40 years, but I really am having trouble accepting this new aspect of his personality. Seems as if his adult self has NO EMPATHY for that 'sad little boy', only hates the child for being weak and allowing the abuse to continue. If he has no empathy for that child then how can he empathy for me or his 13 YO daughter. Am I nuts, NOW???