I would like to hear from survivors and partners again regarding attitudes toward sex with your partner, SO, spouse. I have had a problem with my spouse and sex which I think is related to the SA. Please provide me with your input. I have felt for a long time that the emphasis on sex is way too strong. It seems to me that all his being comes from having sex. He claims that I have a problem in that area. When he doesn't get sex, it becomes a battle almost. He has a major attitude and then becomes passive aggressive. When he want sex, it feels like I am his prey. He is so intent on having sex that is feels like it becomes his mission. And then when he is turned down, the attitude lingers for days or until we have sex. I have claimed for years that I feel that he only values me for sex and he claims that this is my issue. Also, he claims that it is not only sex it is about physical closeness. The cycle here is that if I am snuggly, he thinks it means sex, so I don't get snuggly if I don't want sex. He says if he had sex more often, then this wouldn't be the case. Please tell me if this sounds familiar to anyone.
Also, we had talked last weekend about my unhappiness in this marriage which has gone on for 10 years. I try to make it work, but it works for him only when we are regularly sexual. It hasn't really worked for me because of the lack of true intimacy (emotional). After this conversation, he needs to be REAL close all the time, yet I feel like I need distance. That night he had to sleep so close to me that I couldn't sleep. He becomes very kissy and huggy constantly which seems to relieve his emotional turmoil. BUt then, he thinks everything is all right because he is comforting himself through these hugs and kisses, but here I am...nothing has changed since the discussion. It is all still there. I told him last night that he needs to chill out. The intenseness of his seemingly "mission" like is very uncomfortable for me. It just doesn't feel right...does anyone know what I mean.
Thanks again for any input.