Considering all the things I've written in this forum before, it feels a little awkward to be asking for suggestions. But I need the SO perspective for advice.

I will try to avoid gratuitous details, and keep my language as "safe" as possible. I hope no one is offended.


A week and a half ago, my SO and I were having an intimate encounter, and I had a hard time staying physically interested. I was able to bring her to climax, but afterward, I just couldn't stay interested. She took over, and provided a an all-over sensory experience that was amazing. And I was so relaxed by it, apparently, I fell asleep.

We have since talked about it, and she understands as much of my abuse issues as I do. But she told me that she felt like she wasn't sexy enough for me. And that really hurt my feelings that actions out of my control would cause her to think that. This is the first relationship I've ever been in. I'm 27.

I'm recognizing many effects from my abuse that I never would have seen before, because there was never an intimate situation to bring it up.

So, are there any books, from a SO point of view, that have helped you to deal with all this mysterious behavior from your man's past? I feel like saying "It wasn't my fault; it's the abuse" is just a cop-out (even if it is the truth). But the fact is, that sleep is such a strong pull for me. There is no denying the need when it comes, and it seems to come at the worst possible times.

Dealing with this crap was hard enough when it was just my life. Now that it effects someone I love, it's unbearable.

Thanks in advance!

We're in this together.


We're in this together. - Nine Inch Nails