I did read your message a day or two ago and have thought about it. Then, after your request for support in the Male Survivors forum, I re-read it just now, and everything I was going to suggest, Brian just suggested in the previous posting.
So I second his suggestion about couple's counseling, but if this isn't the time for that yet for your husband, I would definitely encourage you to seek some competent counseling yourself. You need and deserve support yourself, and I think you need to clarify your own thoughts, feelings, and needs regarding the complexities of your situation.
Anyway, other than just expanding a little on what I think are good suggestions from Brian, I just wanted to let you know that someone else here is listening to you and hoping for the best.
Take care and good luck,