You may have been guilty of bad judgment but sexual abuse? I don't think so! Your husband could have walked away and if he was that upset by it, he should have talked to you then and there about your comments. That is what healthy people do! They don't suck it in and turn it against the person who said it! That is dysfunctional. Your husband had problems along time before you came along; they way he dealt with you in instance proves it. Now what happened to him in his past to make this so traumatic for him is anybodys guess; maybe he was abused as a child and he is hurt inside from that. But his reactions to your comments were over the top and not in the normal range. He could have walked away then! If being with a virgin was so important to him, then he shouldn't have had a relationship with you. He made that decision, not you.

Its awesome that you are going to a therapist; you need a professional on your side to let you know that his reactions are your fault. Good luck!