I'm the wife of a survivor. I've known about the abuse since before we were married 14 years ago, but only in the last few years has all of the baggage and pain from the abuse really been "out" in our marriage. My husband nearly had a sexual encounter with a young man two and a half years ago. He told me about it, and began seeking help for the devastating effects of his abuse. Things were better for a while, but then things got worse, and finally he gave in to his compulsions and had an encounter with someone several months ago. He finally confessed this to me after several weeks, and I was emotionally destroyed. I stuck with him in spite of the pain, and he entered a program for Sexual Addicts, and started facing up to all of the awful facets of the abuse and their legacy in our lives.
We've made a lot of progress, but the going is slow sometimes. I'm so proud of my husband (he posts here sometimes, and may recognize me, but I'm proud to say I'm proud of him!!), but I still suffer from fear, anxiety, and jealousy. I've also realized that I'm a definite codependent and have some abuse issues of my own, which I'm dealing with in therapy.
The most painful things are facing the truth of our changed relationship, living with the fear of being betrayed again, and the constant sense that some kind of doom will fall on us, that we can't deal with this huge issue. Some days I feel hopeful. Other days I'm filled with despair and a sense of grief and loss.
I'd be grateful for support from others in similar circumstances, and would be happy to give support back.
Wishing the best in 2001 to everyone, but especially those coping with this...