My husband is a survivor, to what extent I do not know. He told me last year that he remembered an isolated incident when he was young but it didn't bother him. He had an affair 2 months ago and while visiting his doctor (with me) he was asked if ever abused, he told the doctor it lasted for a year (news to me). Disclosing this information to the doctor later infuriated him, I was previously the only person who knew. I have contemplated leaving my husband simply out of pain because his short affair seemed to be self serving but he could not explain what came over him. He said I didn't seem to need him and it was nice to be wanted by someone. He has always been calm, self assured, unemotional, hard to cuddle, very sexual (any touch), promiscuous in youth, substance abuse. Can anyone relate? I have been searching the net for info, something that surprised me was he is terrified of the dentist and suffers panic attacks which I read is a connection. I though survivors usually show low self-esteem and withdrawal from social situations?
We both went to a counseling session to deal with our relationship and the affair. He has decided to go alone next time and that is promising to me. I am having difficulty being supportive because he has hurt me so and turned away from our marriage. I am feeling like I might be grasping at straws to find a reason for his affair.
The last thing I want to do is abandon him if this is the source of his pain and problems. As I said I do not know the extent of his abuse but I know it was around the age of 7 and no one knows about it. Could it have affected him so horribly that he would act out in this way? He loves me more than anyone else in his life and I can see that, but why would he punish me? I have seen him with the man who abused him and didn't see any reaction. This man is about 5 years older than him.
I can not get completely close to him, ever. He will only get so close. He has always needed constant distraction with TV, music, drinking, socializing. He has cheated on every woman he has ever dated (including me 4 times). He cannot explain why it happens, he says "it just keeps happening to me". He is now terrified that I will leave him, very emotional (not normal for him)and has always been so sorry after it happened. He tells me some things are just personal, just for him. He will not open up. Could he be in that much pain that he doesn't even make a connection to his problems and the past abuse? Could it have had that profound of an effect on him?
He seems to have a fascination with porn, an*l sex and masturbation. Please help me help him before I go crazy? Can we have a normal life together? can he heal?