This is all I hear about adused "raped" guys doing when they have sex with another man. Now I'm no brain child when it comes to writing but can really kick ass in other ways! Now I was raped countless times by older boys and men when I was 11 to 16 YO. It didn't stop because my father let it go on and on until I got wheels and run off. This was all foregotten until last fall when the flashbacks started. I've been to Shrinks, Hospitals, M.D.'s, PHD's, whatever and have a therapist and a Pdoc-M.D. right now. Now what did I do when the flashbacks started? Without thinking I tried to ack it out to gain control! Went to the Net and found the hardest form of anal sex "FISTING" and found a man to do it to me. Didn't get much control but really liked the anal sex. Men get into the part of the body that was raped, do they need sex with this part or another man? Shrinks say the part. I didn't know so I got my wife to do it for me. I liked it a lot more from her because I did get control and it was a lot more nicer with her than a stranger! Now the shrinks are amazed with my actions in dealing with the aduse myself and without any outside help. I still get the flashbacks but they are fewer now. I have PTSD - RTS and have had for 40 years. It screwed up half of my life. After the abuse I ran off and became an outlaw biker and didn't have sex with anyone but myself for 15 years. When the club was broke up I had to clean up and get a job...boy did that suck but I met my wife of 22 years and have a wonderfull 12 YO little girl. I still feel the pain, shame and everything else from the abuse...dam as a biker I used to beat up fags all the time...now I find out that I had sex with other guys while a child! This really bums me out, to be so comfussed! What control do I have????

Eddie....... getteddie@yahoo.com