Hello gentlemen, I am new to this forum. What a relief it has been to find that there are other people who have lived through similar experiences as myself, and survived. Of course I always knew that you existed, I wasn't so foolish as to believe that I was alone. I just never expected to have the opportunity of sharing and being reinforced by fellow victims/survivors who have a direct and personal voice.
Unfortunately, I didn't start dealing with the results of the s/a I experienced as a young child until about 6 years ago when I was 45 yo. I wish I had had the courage to do something earlier. I suspect that if I hadn't had children, I may never have done anything at all. I was fortunate to find a good therapist and begin the healing process, and become aware of some very self destructive behaviour & thinking patterns. I have been blessed with a very understand wife, who has 'paid' the price for my history. It hasn't been easy for her.
Our children leave me in a constant state of amazement. They are brazenly bratty, creative, happy, loving, outspoken and fearless. The antithesis of everything I was at the same ages (8 & 10 year olds). I am given daily reminders of what childhood should be like. And sometimes I am a little wistful, wondering what might have been for myself.
My family has taught me to love myself, because I am a part of them. And I do love them beyond anything I can describe. And while I have nurtured and cared for them, they have helped me heal. I know that sounds a little sucky and maudlin, but it's true.
I guess what I'm trying to say guys is: take the leap. We all have opportunities to take chances in relationships. We weren't meant to be on this planet alone. The cycle of victimization has to end. We have to stop victimizing ourselves.