all my life i have had a difficulty with directions and getting lost. i can go the same way repeatedly and still not remember the way. depending upon how complex the directions are, how long the distance is, and how long between trips - it may take me more than half a dozen to a dozen times to get it fixed in my memory.

i have started wondering if this might be an effect of trauma. i did find that this is often linked to concussion. i had at least 3 concussions between age 9 and 13 - one of which was during a gang assault when about 12.

i am extremely dependent upon my wife for navigational instructions when we drive somewhere. when i am by myself i often get extremely confused and take wrong turns. i end up backtracking a lot and being late. it is embarrassing and makes me feel inept and immature and stupid. my wife has an amazingly good sense of direction - a good balance for me - but she also has a hard time understanding my challenge.

it is even sometimes a struggle for me to follow a map, GPS or written directions if there is any deviation from the specific single path. and i hate to ask for directions - more than the typical "guys don't do that" sort of thing. i just can't understand or remember or visualize what is being explained.

when i was in middle and high school, i used to have episodes while sleeping when i would suddenly wake up and be totally disoriented, have feelings of dizziness or vertigo and the sensation of falling. i could not move and could not feel that i was actually perfectly hoizontal and lying on my bed.

i also have a poor sense of balance and poor coordination in gross motor skills - though i am great with fine motor skills.

and my sense of spatial relationships is good in a two-dimensional application - like composing a photo or drawing. i am also fine with limited enclosed 3-D settings like setting up a still life or arranging furniture in a room or placing set pieces and props on stage. but in a larger scale situation, i am hopeless.

another factor that may relate is that until i left home for college i was very dependent upon others to make decisions and direct me - not by my choice, but because i had very controlling parents and lots of bullying in school and social situations. i am very accustomed to people telling we where to go and what to do. "Go to h---!" or "Get lost!" or "Go f--- yourself!" were frequent commands - that i took quite literally as a kid. when i got out on my own, i hadn't a clue how to find my own way - either literally or figuratively.

i found a number of terms and descriptions for this problem.

Developmental Topographical Disorientation
Dysfunctional Direction Disorder
Directionally Challenged Disorder
Directional Dyslexia

i know that it could be merely an unique weirdness of mine with no connection to abuse. i am aware that sometimes we survivors tend to blame too much on the abuse history.

just wondering if anyone else has this difficulty or has heard of it and has linked it to CSA?


Edited by traveler (04/08/14 05:30 PM)
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"