Hi KM ,Jim and Chase Eric.
I want to express my gratitude and appreciation for the way each of you have responded to my post looking for help and guidelines about posting here.
KM. Thank you for your validation and extending your support and understanding. I was reminded that we are experiencing our own recovery in the company of a band of brothers in recovery. How much better to consider how sharing our individual stories with the other survivors here than to stay a prisoner to shame and fear. I seem to have taken a long time to come to were I can believe I don't have to go it alone.
Jim. Nice to meet you. My thanks to you for responding as well. I hear you about the need to be considerate of the other victims and survivors here at MS in my choice of words in telling my Story. I have noticed some of what I have read here does read like a porn script. Our past experiences are different yet the same and it is difficult to protect everyone from what triggers them.
Chase Eric. Hey Chase. I want to say first I did read your intro. Thanks for sharing these passages of your story with us. Your honesty and openness is apparent and you really helped me sort out some issues and reaffirmed some truths I have come to realize and accept about the effects the abuses in my own life. When I read your response to my concerns about posting more of my story, I had to stop and leave my computer and dry my eyes a couple of times. You see I have a sister that is a couple of years older than myself that was raped and abused during the same time I was being abused. It is a very painful to this day for me when I think about her. I couldn't save her and my heart is broken. It is my thoughts exactly that in order for someone's story to be truly told it should come from the heart of the child who was so brutally and severely damaged. It seems to me to be a disservice to that child within at the very least to not do so. For me my memories of the abuses are still coming back to me. I ran from them for decades. Through the help I have had from therapy and attending a WoR weekend, sharing and listening to others in the chat room and the tremendous encouragement I have received almost since the day I first visited MS from Peter Corbett aka Canadian Irish Moose. He from the start gently encouraged me to connect with my inner child , that little boy I was terrified of. When I was finally able to travel back to the initial molestation as far as I know, all my senses where awakened with the clarity and intensity I felt when it happened. I have very clear visual detailed recollection and body sensations. The mental component of the consequences are profound. The stimulation of it, what ever it was to a child filled me with confusion and a profound feeling of loss of control over my own body. My personal identity never had a chance to develop and I struggle to this day with discovering who I really am. Thank you for sharing these painful details of your personal struggles and congratulations on your progress in reclaiming your life.
Thanks again to all three of you who responded.