When I joined I was more in a bit of denial.
Then I gradually realized and felt my CSA at a more conscious level. Less of a 'not that bad' thing. More honesty with myself.
But I still felt a self guilt. I felt ashamed my body responded. I felt like a 7 year old kid can actually consent to sex.
So with a clearer picture and present tense feeling to my CSA, it was definitely worse....
But I gradually learned that it was not my fault. A child can not consent to see. I learned perps will groom, or brainwash a kid. I accepted that my penis responds to stimulation, regardless of by whom. Just so much false guilt and manipulation in my head.
In time I grew mentally from the age of 7, that I was locked in. I was stuck at 7, guilty, confused, and afraid.
It was a massive life changing thing for the chains to fall off my soul. This place has literally let me feel free.
Yeah, I got sexually abused as a kid, but I didn't die, didn't stay there, and I have a life to live.
There is life after this crap. Don't give up on yourself. It can get better.
Remember, it was not your fault. A child can not consent to sex. You can move forward from it.
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.