I identify with the effects of your experience. My parents did not drink, but they did both sexually abuse me and physically abuse me from infancy on. They were never able to see me or value me in any way other than what I could provide for them. I didn't begin to remember my father's abuse until age 53 and my mother's abuse at age 63. I, like you, learned to be a chameleon as a survival skill. All the while I was drying up inside because I did not know how to love myself or open myself to receiving love. My only value was learned as utilitarian.
Congratulations on being able to bring all these old lies out in the clear, healing, light. I incrementally learn to love myself, and the effects are definitely cumulative.
Sending you love,
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards