As usual, things are not so bad but I still have multiple days when the loneliness seems to envelope me. It's like no one in the world knows me, or understands me, or even cares. It's a deep, unyielding loneliness that just will not abate itself...and then after a few days, it's gone until next time. It doesn't matter who I am with, nor what I am doing, nor what I am looking forward to in the near future.
I remember as a little boy surrounded by everyone in the family always being excluded. Always being the one shut out of the activities or the conversations and interactions. And I would go out and walk or play or sing by myself, just looking at the sky or the trees or the fields. That's how I feel. Except I am in my mid-50s now.
I wonder if it shall always be like this? I wonder if anyone else still feels the loneliness that parallels the way it felt when we were kids being abused or shut out or whatever. Sometimes it just gets so tiring to be me. Anyone else? What do you do to shake it off sooner?
Thank goodness spring will be here in a few weeks. At least then I can walk and look at the sky.
For now we see through a glass, darkly.