I don't really remember being filmed in kiddie porn then. I was only 4 and I didn't understand what what was happening. I didn't know what a movie camera was. It was many years later when I started remembering "stuff" that I figured out that perp who was standing behind a big black box had to be making movies. I could be wrong. But what else could he have been doing. It happened in an area near Hollywood, and perp was an employee in Hollywood. That seems to settle it.

Being a young victim means that I wasn't sensitized to some of the negatives of the kiddie porn, such as the emotional reaction to being naked in that kind of a setup. However the experience was very severe in other ways because I acquired dissociative disorder and I also acquired an array of negative emotions and memories. It was highly traumatizing. At age 4, a boy is totally unequipped to deal with sexual emotions like that.

ONE of the severe symptoms was a social alienation which comes with early traumatic abuse. I was a chronic loner. It has only been within the last few years that I've started overcoming this. I also had a reading problem, which was probably caused by the abuse. Severe abuse like that actually affects the developing organization of the brain adversely. The brain can overcome a lot and it's now recognized that the brain is much more plastic than previously thought, and it can make new connections even into adulthood.


Edited by pufferfish (01/16/14 05:28 PM)