As I continue to consider feeling less isolated, I look back. One of the people who helped me a lot is also someone with whom things are a bit unresolved.
When I first starting face all of this stuff head on, I was also working with a male therapist who got me through some difficult times. He was someone who worked on “men’s issues”. Unfortunately, when it came to exploring sexual abuse issues, he had less endurance for the fight. At one point, when I began to describe the relationship with my mother as having crossed some sexual boundaries, he began by stating it might be understandable because I was “pretty”.
This therapist taught me a lot, but I also realized at one point that he had grown up in a similar situation as myself. Ending my work with him was not easy, but necessary. We had a lot of compassion for each other. He said that at times I was more of a colleague to him than a patient.
Thinking back to the “pretty” comment, I can’t help but consider how difficult it can be for people to see the true nature of sexual confusion between a boy and his mother. I feel that I have learned more of the difficult landscape surrounding it, but would be interested to hear from others on the way the situation can get rationalized too quickly. I think it would help me have more perspective if I encounter this kind of comment or perspective some time in the future.
Lose the drama; life is a poem.