I have deleted and hid some details to protect myself and not disclose the cities that these happened. I have copied and pasted most of what I have already wrote in my journal as it is too hard to try to write everything all over again so here is what I have said.
The first incident
On May 9th, 1985 I was delivering my papers on my paper route after school. I was 11 years old at the time and had been delivering papers for about 8 months. I arrived at the house where the abuse happened at around 4 pm; it was the first house on my route. It was collection day for subscription fees so I knocked on the door as usual. Normally an older lady would come to the door and only paid the exact amount, never a tip. On this day a man answered the door, which I later learned was her son, an older man seemed to be mid to late 30ís. I had never noticed him there before, just his mother and out interactions were very brief, she had the money ready for me and I would punch her collection card and be on my way.
When he answered the door he told me the money was inside and that he had a tip for me. He asked me to come inside while he got the money so I did. He grabbed the money and the collection card which I punched and handed back to him then told me that the tip he had for me was upstairs and asked me to follow him upstairs to get it. I kept my shoes on and the paper bag was still on my shoulder. I followed him up the stairs which were right off of the front door. When we got up the stairs we went into the first bedroom at the front of the house. In the room there was a bed as soon as you walked in and a dresser to the right. The bed was made and it looked like a guest room as there wasnít much in it. On the bed were a bunch of hand drawn cartoon pictures in frames. There were also some Penthouse magazines at the far end of the bed which were closed.
He told me that he drew these and sold them at the corner store down the street from him. He told me to look at them and I could pick one as my tip. They were like adult cartoons, not nude pictures but like sexy pictures. I looked at them but didnít see any that I liked. He asked me if I liked the cartoons and I said I donít know and he then opened up one of the Penthouse magazines to a page with a naked lady and asked me if I liked looking at her instead.
This was the first time I ever saw a naked lady and I just froze up and said I donít know. He flipped through a few pages and showed me more naked women and said they look nice right? I just nodded my head and agreed with him. Then he told me he could give me something else that would feel good if I wanted and rubbed my penis through my pants. I was really scared and embarrassed and just stood there and said ok. He got on his knees and pushed my paper bag aside and undid my pants and pulled them and my underwear down then started to give me a blowjob. I just looked out the window, it was an older window with a storm window on the outside, both closed. I kept wishing I wasnít there and tried not to feel what he was doing or react to him.
I was very scared and wanted to leave but I couldnít move or say anything. He pulled out his penis and started masturbating. I never got an erection or anything but he did. He was very hairy and I remember thinking it was very big and I was really embarrassed seeing what he was doing. I tried to just keep looking out the window and ignore what was happening then he moaned a bit then stopped sucking my soft penis.
He asked me if I liked it and I just shook my head yes. He told me I could pull up my pants and I did. He told me to take one of the pictures so I took the only one that didnít look too inappropriate for a kid and put it in my bag. He told me he could do it again if I wanted and told me to promise to not tell anyone. I just agreed so I could leave and he let me go out the door like nothing had happened.
I rushed to deliver the rest of my papers and did not collect from anyone else. I just wanted to get to my auntís house which was near the end of my first route but I delivered all of the papers first as normal so hopefully no one would suspect anything.
When I got to my auntís house I went inside and told her that I needed to talk to her. I told her that I was abused, she asked me what I meant and by who? I told her by a customer, and she asked how and I told her I was sexually abused. She called my parents and the police. My parents came to her house then the police came and asked me some questions about it, made sure I wasnít hurt and took the picture he gave me. Then my dad walked with me while I delivered the papers on my second route. I insisted that I did them because it was my job even though he and my mother just wanted me to go home.
The next day my dad came with me to deliver the papers and he brought the paper to the mailbox of the first house, the one where I was assaulted. As we were walking away the mother came out and started yelling at me and called me a liar, said her son didnít do anything and that she was home all day. My father just told me to ignore her and rushed me along. After we finished the papers my parents told me that I had to quit delivering papers.
The following week he committed suicide by jumping into the weir and drowned. It was in the newspaper and my mother didnít want me to read it when I was looking at the paper but she did tell me that he had jumped into the weir and drowned. She said that she heard that he meant to do it because he threw his wallet to a lady nearby and said some stuff to her before he jumped in.
The second incident
I do not remember the exact date but it was in 1992 in either late April or Early May, on a Friday early evening. I can state this for sure because of the weather conditions at the time, I was in my final semester of grade 13 taking OAC classes and the following day was a Saturday morning that I had to go and retrieve my motherís car which thankfully got stuck in the field by the Welland Canal.
I was 18 years old at the time and in my final semester of grade 13 taking OAC classes part-time before going to college to pursue a career in accounting and business. I had dropped off a resume early in the afternoon at the (local) Gas Bar on the corner of (not too far from where I lived, I do not want to give exact locations in case ďheĒ ever sees this). I received a call shortly after dinner by the manager and was asked to come in for an interview as soon as I could so I quickly got ready and asked to borrow the car to go for the interview and went.
Initially the interview was at the gas station. When I arrived there was another employee working and I went inside and met the manager. We had actually already met as he was the person I dropped off my resume to earlier that day but didnít realize who he was. He was shorter than me, skinny, had curly dirty blonde hair and a moustache. He interviewed me for about 10 to 15 minutes and everything seemed normal. He then told me that he really liked me and would like to offer me the job if I wanted it. I said that I would like the job and could start at anytime. Then he said that there was some paperwork that he needed me to fill out first but he forgot it at his house and asked me if would mind going to his place with him to fill it out. I said sure and he asked if I drove there or if I needed a ride. I told him that I drove my motherís car there so he told me to follow him to his house. He was driving a white Z24. He talked very politely to me but as we were leaving he seemed pretty rude to the guy working when he told him he had to step out for a bit but I figured it was just the way he spoke because he was the boss.
I followed him to his house. He pulled into his driveway and got out and told me to park on the road which I did. We went inside then he closed and locked the door behind me and told me to take off my coat and shoes and go make myself comfortable on the couch in the living room. I sat down on the couch and he closed the blinds and dimmed the lights a bit then said he would be right back; he was going into the kitchen to get the paperwork. He came back out with some papers and a beer and sat them on the table. He said to me that he had a sore neck then started asking me some personal questions. He asked if I had finished high school yet, if I was going to college or what I wanted to do? I told him I was doing OAC classes part time and would be finished high school at the end of this semester. I wasnít very comfortable and just wanted to finish the paper work and leave, not chit chat. He sat down on the couch next to me and said that he could tell that I was shy and ďspecialĒ. He said ďyou donít have a girlfriend, do you?Ē and I just nodded yes then he said that he could tell that I liked to keep things to myself. He said I would be a great employee and that he really liked me and if I make him happy then the job is mine. Then he told me that he needed me to rub his neck and turned so that I could rub his neck. I was scared and not sure if he would get violent and hurt me if I didnít do what he wanted. I also was afraid that if I didnít do what he wanted that he would tell people that I was ďweirdĒ or ďgayĒ and humiliate me. I just wanted to leave but I couldnít, I was really nervous and frightened, I know I was 18 and taller than him but I felt like I was that 11 year old little boy again and I was too scared to do anything and felt that if I just did what he told me to that I would be safe and not get hurt. I rubbed his neck and he seemed to enjoy it as he lightly moaned then he told me to take off his shirt and I did. He laid on the floor on his stomach and told me to massage his back. It was kind of hairy. I kneeled on the floor beside him and started to rub his back then he told me to straddle him so I could do it better. I did what he said and had my knees by his ribs but he told me to move down more and sit on his ass. I was extremely uncomfortable and feeling sick to my stomach but I couldnít bring myself to stop so I just kept doing what he said and sat on his ass and kept rubbing his back. He moaned some more and wiggled his butt so that it rubbed my butt and he kept trying to move his butt against my groin. I was really embarrassed and sweating a lot and just kept lifting up so that he couldnít press against my groin. Then he told me to get up and I thought he was going to stop since I was resisting him. Instead he told me to undo his pants, which I did then he turned around and told me to pull them down and his underwear. I started to pull down his pants and underwear, his ass was very hairy. Then I had a flashback of the first guy and it felt like I was in the bedroom again and I was looking at his hairy penis. I felt really cold inside and like I wasnít there. I felt like I was going to cry and couldnít handle it anymore. I knew what he was doing was wrong and if I let him that he would just keep doing things to me and it would just get worse. I realized that he was just exploiting me and I couldnít handle the embarrassment anymore. I stopped and ran to the door and grabbed my shoes and started putting them on. He asked me what I was doing and I said that I was leaving. He told me that if I didnít finish doing what he wanted that I wouldnít get the job. I told him I didnít care and left without putting my coat on. I was really embarrassed and ashamed and didnít know what to do. I didnít want to tell anyone what happened because I was ashamed that I didnít stop him right away and felt that I couldnít say no. I decided that I was going to drive down to the canal where no one would be around me and figure out what I was going to do. As I got closer I was thinking of driving the car into the canal. I figured that if I left the windows rolled down that it would sink quick and that since it was spring that the water would be really cold and I would go into shock quick and it wouldnít last long. I tried taking a short cut through a field that I had seen cars and trucks take in the summer but it was extremely muddy and I got the car stuck in the field about half way through. I was unable to get out and this unfortunate circumstance was a blessing as it got my mind out of this state and I decided to walk home and just make up a story that I was just going for a drive and got stuck. I never told anyone about what happened for many years until recently during counselling. I never went back to that gas station and he never tried calling me again so I figured I would just keep it a secret and hoped it would go away. Instead it destroyed many aspects of my life.
Edited by ModTeam (01/10/14 08:43 AM)
Edit Reason: added trigger warning