My brothers,

I'm ready to get sober again. I've been a pot head for a long time, and night time drinker (4-5 beers a night). I guess you can call me 'high functioning'. I'm employed and building a career and savings/retirement. I haven't suffered any consequences for my using (other than time and $ spent).

I know EXACTLY why I use - to kill the loneliness. I've worked for decades on trying to comprehend what happened to me. Part of that recovery lead me to MS, realizing that some things I already knew had a profound impact on me, which led to uncovering even more things that had me entranced in a world entirely confusing and frightening to me.

This past year I've made significant inroads into my recovery. Things that had never made sense in my life are starting to make sense.

I've done AA 2 times before, sober 2 and 2.5 years each time. I found the experience incredibly frustrating, and the 2nd time, the experience nearly drove me to suicide. I find the rooms abrasive, and the fellowship to be a faux fellowship.

I'm curious to know if anyone here has had any success getting sober without going through the AA /12 step route? Please share if you have.

The last thing I want to do is go back to AA only to be disgusted by the experience again. I went to an AA meeting a couple weeks ago out of curiosity (to see if I would respond differently) and had the same sense of disgust. Perhaps the program in San Francisco is tainted by the hyper sexuality (gay AA meetings are ... meat markets). And I don't have anything in common with straight AA meetings.

So - to those of you who want me to try AA again - I have. I've done it repeatedly. I'm looking for alternatives.

Thanks in advance.