For the past 6 weeks I have focused on myself more than I have in 3 years. For the past 25 years, I have lost more and more of my self each day. That is no ones fault but my own. I tend to put wife, mother and career before myself. I am changing that and it feels good. I have exercised almost every single day. I have felt more peace and happiness than I have felt in 3 years. I know it has to be more than coincidence that these feelings have surfaced since the start of my exercise. With that being said, I still have my moments. I have moments of crazy. When I can't get out of my head what my husband has done, or how he continues with many of his behaviors. Wondering if he is still being unfaithful? It frustrates me when I can't get these out of my mind. I am not normally a jealous person. I have no desire to play detective with my husband. I told my therapist that I(most of the time) have no need to do that, that it disgusts me to keep tabs on him and that is acting in a way that is not me. He told me that it is ok, that if he is being unfaithful that it will come out eventually, that things have a way of coming to light. But then there is that voice, the panicky one that starts calling me a fool and how I can't ever be lied to or deceived again, that somehow I am allowing it. Ugh! How do you quiet the voice? I usually go exercise and do something for myself. It is so hard though. I also wonder am I becoming a little numb? It is a fine line between being true to yourself and avoidance. I'm tired of all the voices and energy spent on my husband.