A few months ago, my marriage completely fallen apart, my wife of 10 years accusing me of being gay, pushed me to open up. I admitted there were things that happened to me as a child that I couldn't tell her about. She was a victim of sexual abuse too (her step-father). One night she was angry/hurt and couldn't let it go, she kept me from going to sleep, started arguments, pushing me, when I fell asleep, she poured a large glass of cold water on me. If I didn't open up and tell her what was going on, she was going for the divorce the next day. So, I told her a portion of my story. We started marriage therapy and I told part of my story again. I went on a New Warrior Training weekend with the Mankind Project, and shared more of my story. My therapist is focusing on my marriage, but is also pushing me to deal with this part of my story. So, here I am.

I began exploring sexuality with an older male cousin when I was around 8. At first I was complicit, at some point I tried to stop it, but he forced me. Eventually, I quit fighting, it went on into my teen years, I don't remember when it stopped. It has been hard for me to call it abuse, I have felt responsible and I have struggled with my sexual identity. I struggle with shame.

At 43, I'm realizing this has been destroying my ability to be intimate with my wife. I'm trying to save my marriage, and trying to provide a stable secure family life for my 2 adopted kids which I dearly love. I would love to forget all about it and get back to a "normal life", but it's not going away. Thanks for sharing your time and stories. Thanks for providing a safe place.
like in the great stories.. Full of darkness and danger. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, itís only a passing thing this shadow. Even darkness must pass.