I didn't want to intrude on another thread, so I'm starting another about a state of emotion we secondary survivors feel. Incredulousness. I marvel at how blind I was throughout the first 11 years of my relationship with H. Where I didn't put two and two together. Where I either ignored or didn't recognize the symptoms of something being very wrong. Where I didn't insist on talking about the obvious or demanding change for the things neither of us could ignore.

It makes me wonder where that puts us now that everything is out in the open. When he is finally getting help, getting stable, getting a little better over time, where does that leave us?

It's one thing to try and repair a marriage but when you question if you should....not because of the lies or the infidelity, but because you wonder if the foundation of your relationship was nothing but sand to begin with.

Did I ever really know him? Myself? How did we get here? Why are we still together?

Nearly two years after everything hit the fan and I sometimes find myself still in a state of shock over it all.

Edited by Valkyrie (11/20/13 01:37 AM)