Thank you all. it's good to know we have those feelings in common, even if the feelings are sometimes awful and fear-based.
A week later...things are going well. He hasn't been assigned a counselor at he DV center yet (three-day weekend), but the director is looking for a staff member to assign to him. They know me, and him too, from MC and his IC as a secondary years ago.
I like getting along. I love having hope!
Kind of OT, and it might need to be split...
A long-distance friend with whom I had talked at least monthly, but who only heard about the bad stuff occasionally made a snarky comment about him on one of my social media posts today. It was closed to the public, which helps, but she followed it up by sending me a link to Stockholm Syndrome symptoms. I'm insulted and hurt. She knows I was abused as a child and adult, and she knows about his abusive childhood in a general way, not about CSA. I hadn't even spoken with her in a month, and not about icky relationship stuff in 3+ months, and this? Really?
I'm pissed. How dare she, especially without any support? She didn't even include a "Hey, I worry about you and would you read and consider this?" note.
I've narrowed my friends significantly the past year, mainly because so many were toxic to my marriage. Not in the sense of telling me truths I didn't want, or in the sense of not being 'yes men', but in the smack-talking sense. If they'd say mean things about him to me, are they bad-mouthing me to other friends privately too? She's now added to the list of former friends. It's sad, too, because she's in the middle of a nasty divorce. I sense she's transferring some of her angst to me, but I didn't ask for it and I don't accept it. I can imagine fewer unsupportive things from a so-called friend.
How would you all handle it? I haven't responded to her because her behavior triggers me as a DV survivor and spouse. I'm not sure that I will. Her actions don't really warrant much of a reply; I assume she would just think I don't want to hear what she has to say.
Why are so many people not convinced that emotional abusers can change? Does it go hand-in-hand with the Male Abuse Myths?