So I thought I would post here because I have burdened to many people that I love.
I don't even know where to start. I have a great life one that most people only dream of. I have my dream job, a beautiful healthy family I want for nothing. So why am I so miserable. I was sexually abused in a very violent way when I was eight. That was 30 yrs ago!!!! In the last 12 weeks it has all but consumed me. I was admitted to the physic ward for 8 days in August. They have me all kinds of meds. I see my T once a week with no progress because I can't get the words to come out. I have been having night terrors that leave me scared and exhausted. I keep reading that the pain is good?? I am here to tell you the pain SUCKS!!!!! If I could bury this like I did for 30 yrs I would do it in a second. I don't see any healing in my future only more pain. I am so sick of people telling me it's going to be alright.. I just need someone to tell me the truth. Like yeah it sucks you never forget this will be with you as long as you live. This will ruin relationships, cause you anxiety, make you scared of being close to a male friend., make you avoid large crowds. This will dominate how you raise your children. Nobody ever says that!!!!

Not trying to rain on anyone's parade I hope that all the people here at MS find exactly what they are looking for.... I am just scared to death I won't..

So discouraged
Either get to living or get to dying!!!!! Shawshank redemption