I wrote a previous thread about intimacy anorexia. I wonder if this ties in at all with anyone else's partner.
I'm noticing a pattern with my H that I think might signify some progress but is very painful. Here is what it looks like.
So for a period usually a week or two things will go pretty well. He still doesn't open up much but will be really nice and considerate. We will be getting along really well, maybe have a couple fun things we do together. He won't drink too much and will act like a responsible adult. I will start to feel good about our marriage again. Then... WHAM!
He will act like a complete shit. Drink too much, act like he could care less about my feelings. Justify his behavior with a bunch of crazy bullshit. Pretty much just shove me away emotionally with both hands. This asshole period only lasts a couple days.
Then one morning he goes back to being nice caring H again,
and wants me to forget what an utter turd has was over the weekend.
It is really frustrating. I also don't understand it. It really sucks. I have a very bad attitude today and am struggling to see the silver lining. I feel like things will be going along just fine and then he has to take a big sweaty crap all over everything! Maybe it makes him feel manly to be a jerk to his wife every couple weeks. It is embarrassing because it just makes him look like an idiot to our friends. Blah! I'm just so pissed off. Last night he got way too drunk at his grandpa's birthday. Then when I left him after waiting for two hours for him he acted like I was the one who was out of line. When I brought up his drinking problem he told me that it drives him away when I bring it up. "Oh really? I'm driving YOU away by asking you about YOUR drinking? I don't really care you giant baby!" I didn't say that but wanted to. I went to bed. Today"s forecast looks like he will be a jerk for the rest of the day and then go back to being sane tomorrow just in time for work.
I don't remember cycling like this when I was healing so it's hard for me to understand. The dude is amazingly proficient at pushing people buttons. I didn't lose my cool last night, it was hard. Instead I pulled a chair up in front of his drunk ass. I held his hand, and said this.
"I love you very much. We both know you have a drinking problem you have admitted it. I am your wife and I'm here to support you. I know that the changes you want to make will take time and that I can't fight your battles for you. The way you acted tonight really hurt me and this behavior had gone on for a long time. I need you to talk to me about what's going on. I know that you don't want to talk about it but it's not going to go away if you don't address it."
I don't think this really did anything but I will say that I'm proud of myself for not giving in to my anger in the moment and yelling at him. Go me (patting myself on back)
Well I should stop ranting now. I just needed to get this out so that I didn't back my bags and drive off into the sunset.
I hope everyone else is having a better weekend than mine.
Everything comes from within