So I sit here with 4 shattered or minimally injured lives:
Why? Because I was totally screwed and screwed-up from CSA and domestic violence.
THINKING about ME, I crawled out of the tar-pits.
THINKING of ME, I learned to emulate real people.
THINKING about what I WANTED, I matriculated into white-collar business through faking freakin everything.
WANTING what I WANTED, I tried to act enough like a real person and married a normal.
Our (my family) happiness was predicated upon my ability to maintain the mask. I could not. Reality became apparent to all. I failed 3 people directly and dramatically.
So around here, we like to say "its not your fault;" which I fully agree. It was not the child's fault if we were manipulated, used, forced, groomed, etc. I am FULL agreement with that. Its the PERPS' fault!!!!!
So why can't my ex-wf and kids say the same fkg thing about ME? That Still ruined our lives by not being what and who he was. By thinking he could fake his way through life...by thinking he could not tell anyone...by deceiving ex-wf!!!