i have been blessed.
my wife has been with me for almost 3 decades now.
she has helped me heal just by loving me and not leaving me.
the most important thing she did for me was to never compromise on her morals.

i am a good person who has done bad things.
it has been said that abnormal behavior is a normal response to abnormal stimuli.
this explains, but does not excuse, my choices.
the abnormal stimuli is only coming from my own memory.
it takes enormous effort on my part to keep my fragile ego from collapsing when she gets angry at me, which is something i should be able to absorb as a good husband.
i am reacting to abuse that hasn't existed since i was child.
this knowledge has really helped me to measure the appropriateness of my actions.