I am in Esposa's shoes. Having friends and family that know who are probably judging me for staying after my husband did the most horrific thngs is hard. Thankfully if they judge, they do it quietly. I would like to tell them the story of what happened to my husband so I wouldn't be judged for staying but I don't. It is not my story to tell. My husband has trust issues and sharing his story would be the worst thing I could do. My husband and I have an agreement though. I am "allowed" to share all in my recovery groups. That way I am not carrying this burden alone and he knows the wives in my group are dealing with the same shit with their husbands.
All I say is my husband is wounded and let's just leave it at that.
I have found therapy and recovery groups have been the most helpful things. I don't make any huge decisions without them.
We feel your pain.