My world has just ended. I am praying for the Lord to take me home right now.
I have found out that Holly is having an affair and has been since before our separation. What is even more devastating is I have found out that she is having this affair with her Pastor. This supposed man of God has destroyed my family. Holly went to him when our marital difficulties got to the point where she needed to talk to someone, she went for guidance and counseling, and he used his position to steal my wife and commit adultery. How could God let this happen. How can any good come of this. This man should not be preaching the Word of God. He is a sinner and should be in Hell. What do I do now? Somehow I have to go on for my daughters sake. She is moving in with me, because she knew about the affair and it has been tearing her up knowing and knowing who and yet not being able to tell me. She has seen my high hopes and knew that it could not be, but could not tell me. That is the reason she spent so little time with me, because she did not want to be torn about keeping the secret every time she was with me. God this man has destroyed me, my daughter and my marriage.
My biggest fear in all this is for Holly's soul. If she were to die suddenly today, tomorrow or next week and she is still living this sin, she will not be saved. Her soul will be condemned to Hell for all eternity. She can confess her sin to God and say she repents, but if she continues to commit adultery she will suffer in Hell. As much as she is hurting me, I do love her still and do not want to see her lost.
After much soul searching and praying, I have made a decision to talk with her tonight. I am going to tell her that I know everything but that I do forgive her. I am going to give her a choice (ulimatum?). I am going to tell her that if she ends the adultery now, confesses her sins and repents and comes home now so that we can begin anew and rebuild our marriage on the solid rock of Jesus Christ, I will keep this as private as possible. The only thing I will do is a private grievence with the Pastor's superiors. IF she does not agree and continues in this adulterous relationship, then I will make a formal grievence with the church, I will file a lawsuit against the Pastor for "alienation of affection" and in this state adultery is still a criminal offense and I will file criminal charges against the Pastor. I am willing for us to get counseling. I have forgiven her and am willing to start fresh with a clean slate and a new spirit. But I can not let this continue. This is having a devastating effect on our daughter. My daughter says it hurts her so much to see me hoping and standing for my marriage while she knows what my wife is doing. Holly coming home would be best for our daughter as well. I do believe that if we can get through this trial, our marriage will be a hundredfold better as the Lord has promised.
God, betrayal seems to be what my life has always been about.