Well, we all know why we are here.
I have not dealt with this for over 40 years. I have a pretty normal life. Mercifully I have had big holes in my memory and so many of the typical behaviors. I have a few clear memories that are not imagined, as I had hoped.
Reading your posts and articles I am coming to terms with physically responding to abuse did not mean I wanted it.
I think this is the beginning of the end of dealing with the last demons in my life. I have been in AA for years, ALANON, crazy family life.
My main perp is an unknown late teen boy when I was 8. Parents are passed on. No confrontation issues to deal with. So I guess that makes things easier. I am not in crisis mode. I just would like to make peace with me. I am already beginning to understand some of my unusual desires.
This feels safe. I will be quiet and listen.